Reminiscing.

First thought: I am going to be a senior in less than 11 school days. I am excited, thrilled, but most importantly scared. Not scared of my senior year, but scared of what comes after that; Life. For years I have anticipated this moment in time where I will be on my own, and taking care of myself. But as this day comes closer with every hour, I feel unprepared.
I was raised with determination, and somehow I have adopted the quality of being stubborn. Relevance of these qualities all comes down to the fact that I am NOT going to give up my "after high school plans". I know that everyone has or have had these plans, and of course they are subject to change, but I am headstrong about them.
First of all, I want to move out. Not because I am "tired of my house" or because I "hate my family" or any of those typical answers. I want to move out to feel independent and because I know if I stay at home I will not accomplish anything besides being a bum. I know moving out takes money, duh. I'll do it somehow.
I'm not too sure about WHERE I want to move, but my choices are broad. I've been considering Santa Cruz a lot lately, and it seems like a good idea. So, lets just focus on Santa Cruz for now.
I want to attend Cabrillo Community College in Aptos. Because of the fact that I messed up my freshmen and sophomore year, I'm not too sure about about UC's or CSU's. But, I dont want to give up completely.
I want to study psychology with an emphasis on Narcotic Psychology or Child Psychology. I want to study nursing, and I want to study cosmetology. Silly, I know, but I don't want to be married to one profession.
My desire to study psychology all comes from my aspirations of being a drug rehabilitation counselor. Nursing because I want to go into professional piercing. And, well, cosmetology because its always something that I've considered.
For the past year now, I have planned on moving to Santa Cruz with my best friend Isaac. I hope these plans stick.
Second thought: I want to be a better person. I don't know how I'm going to accomplish this, and I don't even know where to start. I guess I want to be a better over all person, and I want to be able to come to terms with people, and stop using the word "hate" so much. I want to stop being so hateful.
Third thought: I really, really, really, really want to pursue acting and music after high school. Wow, I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I am really good :D Or so I've been told. In my opinion, I don't think that I should give up a talent that has taken years to acquire. I'm not sure if I want to be a professional actress or musician, but I do know that I want to study these both better. 
Fourth thought: I'm going to stop putting my heart out there. This heart is currently in repair.
Fifth thought: I want, need, aspire, blahblahblah, to be a better vegan. I suck.
Sixth, and final, thought: I need to talk to God.


Good night world,


Samantha :)