Winter- Bayside
When winter falls next year,
I’ll be holding on to anything nailed down.
As for being patient,
With fate and all it's getting old.
And my mind is slowly changing.
I’m calling all my oldest friends,
Saying sorry for this mess we’re in.
And I’m waiting, waiting,
For the sun to come and melt this snow,
Wash away the pain and give me back control, control.
An angel got his wings and we'll hold our heads up,
Knowing that he’s fine.
We’d all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.
Should we still set his plate?
Should we still save his chair?
Should we still buy him gifts?
And if we don’t did we not care?
It makes you think about the life you've led,
The shit you’ve done, the things you've said,
And its grounding, grounding.
I’ve been feeling 3 feet tall this month, hardly indestructible,
But the snow melts and the rhythm still goes on.
An angel got his wings and we'll hold our heads up,
Knowing that he’s fine.
We’d all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.
Friends stay side by side.
In life and death you’ve always stole my heart.
You’ll always mean so much to me it’s hard to believe this.
These nights in vans,
These nights in bars,
Don’t mean a thing with empty hearts.
With empty hearts.
An angel got his wings and we'll hold our heads up,
Knowing that he’s fine.
We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.
Friends stay side by side.
In life and death you always stole my heart.
You’ve always meant so much to me it’s hard to believe.
So much to me it’s hard to believe.
So much to me it’s hard to believe this.
As I read these lyrics, a single tear falls from my eyes. Its amazing how something can seem like its written for you...so personal its like your life story being told to the world.
"Friends stay side by side.
In life and death you’ve always stole my heart.
You’ll always mean so much to me it’s hard to believe this. "
Oh Grandma, trust me you were more than my friend. Every aching second is another without you, and it gets harder each time. I try not to cry, I try not be sad. But I can't help it.
Am I weak cause I'm crying? I hope not. I'm trying so hard to stay strong. I really am trying. The last thing I would want to do is fail you.
This song is on repeat, I can't take it off.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I feel a pain. I'm not quite sure where its coming from, and I don't know what it is.
It feels almost physical, and its engulfing me.
I sit here and type, look at the time, and stumble upon the date. Ok, maybe I didn't stumble across it. I've known all about this day.
To most, its just another day. December 3, 2009.
Its not even really today that bothers me most. Its tomorrow.
December 4, 2009.
Just another day. I'll wake up just the same, go to school, come home, sleep.
But in all honesty, I hate this day. I abhor it. I loathe it. I despise it. Its despicable.
I understand the whole "Life moves on", but quite honestly I can't grasp hold of that.
I still haven't moved on. Will I ever move on? I don't think so.
Each day a new life is born, and one is taken. In order to gain something you must lose, and vice versa.
If it was up to me, I wouldn't take lives, just gain. I don't understand why we must lose something, especially if its so beautiful.
This life that was endowed should remain. I mean, we don't give back the gifts that we receive.
I wish I could I wake up tomorrow, in my old house, walk down the hall way and see her. Feel her warm, beautiful, embrace. I'm not sure how else to describe her except...beautiful. Everything about her. Heaven sent, I swear.
A year later and I can't process that the little white box in my living room is her. That was Grandma. It may have been her body, but her soul still lingers through out all of us. Sometimes I feel like shes just there, watching me. When I'm down most I just imagine a nice warm hug from her. When I'm happy I just imagine her smiling. When I feel like cooking I just imagine her telling me to be careful.
A time machine would be a great invention right about now.
I'm sure I could write something better, but quite frankly my mind is in a jumble.
I love you Grandma.
It feels almost physical, and its engulfing me.
I sit here and type, look at the time, and stumble upon the date. Ok, maybe I didn't stumble across it. I've known all about this day.
To most, its just another day. December 3, 2009.
Its not even really today that bothers me most. Its tomorrow.
December 4, 2009.
Just another day. I'll wake up just the same, go to school, come home, sleep.
But in all honesty, I hate this day. I abhor it. I loathe it. I despise it. Its despicable.
I understand the whole "Life moves on", but quite honestly I can't grasp hold of that.
I still haven't moved on. Will I ever move on? I don't think so.
Each day a new life is born, and one is taken. In order to gain something you must lose, and vice versa.
If it was up to me, I wouldn't take lives, just gain. I don't understand why we must lose something, especially if its so beautiful.
This life that was endowed should remain. I mean, we don't give back the gifts that we receive.
I wish I could I wake up tomorrow, in my old house, walk down the hall way and see her. Feel her warm, beautiful, embrace. I'm not sure how else to describe her except...beautiful. Everything about her. Heaven sent, I swear.
A year later and I can't process that the little white box in my living room is her. That was Grandma. It may have been her body, but her soul still lingers through out all of us. Sometimes I feel like shes just there, watching me. When I'm down most I just imagine a nice warm hug from her. When I'm happy I just imagine her smiling. When I feel like cooking I just imagine her telling me to be careful.
A time machine would be a great invention right about now.
I'm sure I could write something better, but quite frankly my mind is in a jumble.
I love you Grandma.
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