I feel a pain. I'm not quite sure where its coming from, and I don't know what it is.
It feels almost physical, and its engulfing me.
I sit here and type, look at the time, and stumble upon the date. Ok, maybe I didn't stumble across it. I've known all about this day.
To most, its just another day. December 3, 2009.
Its not even really today that bothers me most. Its tomorrow.
December 4, 2009.
Just another day. I'll wake up just the same, go to school, come home, sleep.
But in all honesty, I hate this day. I abhor it. I loathe it. I despise it. Its despicable.
I understand the whole "Life moves on", but quite honestly I can't grasp hold of that.
I still haven't moved on. Will I ever move on? I don't think so.

Each day a new life is born, and one is taken. In order to gain something you must lose, and vice versa.
If it was up to me, I wouldn't take lives, just gain. I don't understand why we must lose something, especially if its so beautiful.
This life that was endowed should remain. I mean, we don't give back the gifts that we receive.

I wish I could I wake up tomorrow, in my old house, walk down the hall way and see her. Feel her warm, beautiful, embrace. I'm not sure how else to describe her except...beautiful. Everything about her. Heaven sent, I swear.

A year later and I can't process that the little white box in my living room is her. That was Grandma. It may have been her body, but her soul still lingers through out all of us. Sometimes I feel like shes just there, watching me. When I'm down most I just imagine a nice warm hug from her. When I'm happy I just imagine her smiling. When I feel like cooking I just imagine her telling me to be careful.

A time machine would be a great invention right about now.

I'm sure I could write something better, but quite frankly my mind is in a jumble.

I love you Grandma.