Reality sets in, and sometimes I don't understand why people do this to their loved ones. Why do they drink? Why do they do drugs? Why? Maybe my questions will never be answered.
I doubt no ones going to read this. But if I could, I would tell every child, every teenager, every mother, every father, everyone: If you're dealing with someone who is addicted to something, don't give up. Your hope, your love, your inspiration is needed.
As for me, my choice of being straight edge reflects off of what I've been through with my Mom, and what I AM going through with my dad.
I've never felt so hurt before, and I've never been so confused. The thoughts of being unloved constantly filled my mind. Haunting images and words, actions that could never be taken back.
Disease. Death. All of this, is something that I, and many others, went through or are going through.
I want to let you know, that you are not alone. And that you are still very loved. Just because a loved one is addicted, it DOES not mean that they don't love you. Sometimes they don't understand that they are hurting you, they are just so wrapped up with their next fix,or their next high that they just forget.
I know what its like to feel like you're always last to get picked. Its always the drugs or you, and more often than not its the drugs.
I wish no one else had to go through this.
"If I could take your pain and frame it, and hang it on my wall then maybe you would never have to hurt at all."
Many don't realize the pain, the tears, the resentment, the hate, and all these mixed emotions that submerge because of addiction. I can go on and on about emotions, but I would be sitting here all day.
Today, I was watching Intervention. This lady was an alcoholic. During her intervention, her son was sitting there crying. Weeping. Balling. It almost brought me to tears. I remember being in the same place about 5 years ago. I remember being so upset because I just couldn't get it through her head. I wanted to beat her with my tears, I wanted to kill her with my words. The same feelings that I just described towards my mom was what I felt towards the lady.
One more word of wisdom: I know a lot of people think "addiction will never happen to me" or "I just drink on occasion", just keep those who you love in mind next time you take that shot or that hit, or do that line. Really. because you're hurting the people who mean most to you, the ones who you can never get back. Your family.
I'm out.
