Not again.

So about a year ago on the 23rd, it was the day my Grandma went into the hospital. Sadly after that, she never came home. November 27th, she had a major hard attack. She passed away peacefully, December 4th.
For the past year, I have been having dreams about her. Dreams that even I can't explain. Some of them re-occurring, others of them spontaneous.
For about the last 3 or 4 months, I haven't had any dreams about her.
Then last night, out of no where, I had one.
Its really blurry to me, but all I remember is the same theme; She came back alive and she was getting ready to die again.
This is the second time I had this dream. The first time was far more vivid than last night.
But last night, all I remember is telling her that I love her. This for some reason has been stuck in my head all day. In the dream, I was so determined to tell her how much I love her. I would not let her go without telling her that, and I remember crying.
Theres not a doubt in my mind that I didn't love her. My grandma was my everything. I don't even know what to write, but I feel like I had to write.
This time last year, she was still alive. She was so happy, she was...just so beautiful. Each day that passes, gets harder than the rest, and somehow something reminds me of her.
I wish I could just come home from school and see her sitting at the couch, "Oh hey Grandma."
I wish I could tell her how much I loved her, and I wish she could see me growing up. I miss her so much that this pain almost feels physical.
I can't even comprehend that a year has past since her death, and this is only the first.
The holidays were her favorite times of the year, she loved cooking so much.
I don't know when I'll feel complete again, I don't know if I ever will.
When I was younger, it would break me down to think that Grandma wouldn't be alive forever. But with a childish attitude, I blew that off and said "Grandma is always going to be with me."
If only I knew the significance of those words now, because as I sit here and write this I truly know how foolish I was to think that.
Oh Grandma, I love you so much.